Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Do I remember anything?






Yes, I do. 

I remember the first conversation. I remember exactly how did we become friends. I remember the shyness, the anger, the first song; I remember the bullying, the silly fights. I remember how our busy schedules spoiled our moods. I remember how my emotions were always heightened. I remember feeling new things, I remember feeling desperate for late night conversations. I remember feeling happy and I remember feeling lucky.

I remember not looking into your eyes because I feared you knowing the truth behind my frown. I remember not letting you know how important your whereabouts were to me, to not make you feel tied up to me.

I remember things.

I remember the energy, I experienced when I was with you. I remember the force with which I had to hold myself back from touching you. I remember the brief touch and the energy that passed through me. I remember craving for more.

I remember you taking care of me. I remember you worrying for me. I remember you telling others that I was special for you. I remember you mocking my make up face, and appreciating my nude face. I remember you taking care of ‘drunk me’. I remember you promising me- to be different than the rest.

I remember things.

I remember you leaving – abruptly. I remember you lying to me- right in my face. I remember seeing you with her. I remember you lying to me- for her. I remember cutting your calls because I couldn’t have spoken to you otherwise. I remember you apologizing. I remember forgiving you. I remember you leaving again. I remember you cutting my call acting as if you were busy. I remember you fading away.



I remember being torn apart, I remember being shredded into pieces, I remember feeling dead after you left; again

I remember things.

I remember feeling broken and numb. I remember trying not to feel anything because if I did, I knew I’d never get back together. I remember picking myself up again without you, without the glue that you promised me, without the support you said I’d never miss on.

I remember things.

I remember forgiving you. I have forgiven you. Not because you deserve to be forgiven – but because I need to move on. Because I have to forgive you to forgive myself. Trust me when I say that I forgive you but will never forget you. 

I remember you and will always do.